July 20th (1st day of liquid pre-op diet): 283
Month 1: - 28 pounds
Month 2: - 14 pounds
Month 3: - 12 pounds
Month 4: - 13 pounds
Month 5: - 10 pounds
Month 6: - 8 pounds
Month 7: - 5 pounds
Month 8: - 4 pounds
Um..hello months 7 and 8, WTF!!! I was actually down to 187.4 (total loss of nearly 96 pounds), and then have been bouncing all around. I gained a pound alone yesterday. Bizarre. I'm up to 191 this morning. So frustrating! But...4 pounds a month is still a loss. I can handle that...BUT...
I'm having a blah day today. I have a headache, didn't sleep enough, have a client that is killing me by constantly rescheduling a meeting we have, have a scratchy throat and I feel fat. I know that last one is absolutely ridiculous, but it's my feeling so I'm putting it out there. I woke up this morning after deciding I would "eat until I wasn't hungry anymore" last night. That included a serving of spaghetti (squash) with meat sauce and cheese, three peppermint patties, two snack size bags of kettlecorn (100 cals a pop) and some nuts. RIDICULOUS! Guess what...was still hungry. Not stomach growling hungry, but hungry. I'm supposed to get my period Saturday so I have to believe it's hormones. All of this led to me gaining another pound and landing at 191 this morning. 191.4 to be exact. And, thus I feel fat.
It's ridiculous that I feel fat. I can't have lost 94 pounds and be having a pity party for myself and the fact that I "look" bigger than I did yesterday. Really Jen? I used to get so angry at my skinny friends when they would complain that they looked fat. Now I'm not skinny "yet", but I am thinner, and am beginning to wonder, will we still have fat days when we're a size 8, or because we've been a size 28 will we stop and think and appreciate where we've come? Enough rambling, I think it's the headache, when I have a headache, I feel yucky. Anyone else feel like this lately, not headachy but having a "I feel fat even though I've lost a ton of weight" day? p.s. Picture above: I heart her shoes and socks and want to eat her sandwich. ;-)
Get thee to a mirror, lady! How in the world are you feeling fat today when you are actually almost 100 pounds thinner than where you started and looking absolutely amazing?! You fit designer jeans, my friend! :)
ReplyDeleteHappily, I don't have "ugh, I'm fat" thoughts anymore (whereas I used to wake up every day thinking that and revisit it at least a few times every day). Now, if I eat badly, I am like "ugh, I am gross for doing that" but I don't go for the F word. Maybe try to consciously eliminate that thought from your mind -- when it pops in, you could mentally (or actually) pull up a before/now comparison shot and remind yourself how beautiful, healthy and thin you really are these days! :)
I can't tell you how many times I've looked in the mirror and said, "Really? I've lost almost 60 pounds? From where?" I can see it in my clothes, as I've gone from a 26 down to 18/20, but when I look at myself naked, I'm still the same shape, still the same rolls of fat, still the big boobs.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, it takes time for our brains to catch up, sometimes. You're doing a great job!
Forst of all OMG on actually seeing your weight loss per month...You are amazing..
ReplyDeleteI just posted a blog today on perceptions kind of like your thoughts on the whole"fat " thing...Anway you look amazing but doesnt matter what anyone tells you today you will probably feel "fat " the whole day and I am sure it is hormones etc. Tomorrow you will wake up and feel super again and skinny ...you know why??? BECAUSE YOU ARE :-)
Well Catherine gives me hope bc I was going to say yes...even if and when we get to a size 8, there will be days that we feel fat. But it will be different for all of us. My coworker who had gastric bypass and now looks like a meth addict bc she is a size 0/2 and looks too thin will still say "Ugh. I feel fat today". Tracey and his narrow ass weighing 140 pounds with a size 28 waist says it several times a week. I want to punch him.
ReplyDeleteYou are not fat. But you know that. It's just when we are behaving badly or not making stellar choices AND when we dont like our scale...we feel fat.
dumb brains.
I was looking at my monthly totals not to long ago, and I am pretty sure there were months that I actually ended up higher than where I started the month at! So you are doing better than me!
LOL! Jen. I'm think it may be in our genes. I have felt fat at whatever weight I was no matter what. It is a "sick" brain thing and does need to be managed. You are sooo funny and authentic and I love to read about your process. You look great and I am proud of you. Looking forward to seeing you in May.
ReplyDeleteLove,
(Aunt) Amy
I seriously cannot believe you continually lot that much weight in your first 6 months! Is that average or above average? Because if it is average I'm in some SERIOUS trouble!
ReplyDeleteJen, I would LOVE to see a breakdown of what you normally eat each day. Are you doing alot of liquids still? I just cannot believe you have lost that much in such a short amount of time! You look amazing.
my last 2 months have looked like yours :(
ReplyDeleteHope your headache goes away and our bands start behaving!!
Jen,
ReplyDeleteI hope you start to feel better. I have to say yes, I'll probably always have fat days. I think Catherine is right - it's more like yuck why did I eat that way.
You are a star. I just got back from a fill appointment and I complained about a 3 pound loss last month. She was very honest and said it won't be double digits much anymore, but the pounds off will stick. So let's be positive - we're slowing down because we're thinner(yea!).
Sounds like wicked hormones at work. Mine make me eat more, too and yep, make me feel fat.
ReplyDelete