Random Thoughts...

I've noticed as I've "come out" here about my weight gain that I'm not alone. A few other people have shared with me how they have also lost their way a bit along this journey. We all knew going into this that the band was a tool and, that for whatever our individual reasons, a tool that we all needed. For me, it was because I abused food. I used it to comfort, I used it to satiate loneliness, I used it when I was bored. And while I've faced the food with the band and it's helped me understand my limits with portion sizes, etc, I clearly haven't conquered the piece that is broken in my mind. For example: I went to the movies on Sat with my friend Julia. She's in pictures early on in this blog. She's 5'1 and maybe 100 pounds. She has no issues with food. She had gotten a package of cookies and unwrapped them during the movie. I watched her eat two - over about five minutes - and then wrap them back up and put them away. There was no rush. There was no need to eat more than two. It was an extremely healthy behavior. It isn't necessarily the behavior I would have demonstrated while eating chocolate chip cookies in a dark theater! 


I've never gotten into therapy. Don't get me wrong, I've always been a proponent of it for other people ;-) but with the exception of a visit once after my father died, I've never gone again. I think this has been a misstep in my journey. There are clearly issues I've had with food that I haven't explored and I think that taking that step will help me to work this tool even better. I want to figure out how to eat in a healthy way even if this band decides to fail me. I don't want to get back to the place where my band misfires and I suddenly gain 30 pounds.


So, that's the serious part of today's blog entry - Jen is finding a therapist! Now to the other stuff...


MY FRIGGING TRAINER CANCELLED ON ME!!!!!!!! So here's the deal - in bullets because I'm bored and this blog needs a touch of excitement.

• He's a friend (he's a master trainer) but a friend and as a result, he trains me at a discount and likely feels I'm easier to cancel then a "real" client. I get this because he's also been easier for me to cancel on then a "real" trainer.
• He had something come up and I completely understand that. He doesn't cancel on me often.
• I did not want to train today. In fact I almost cried leaving the office at the mere thought of putting on workout clothes and going into the park. I had a headache. I had a stressful day at work.
• I was happy when he cancelled. I was relieved. I was also angry, not at him, but at the knowledge that working out tonight would have been one more step to a healthier me and also one more step to me getting into the routine.
• But...this is all about good decisions right? So, I didn't hop in a cab. I didn't jump on the subway. I walked the 2.2 miles home and I did it at a clip. I sweat, I was gross. My headache went away and I was proud.
• I immediately made an appointment with him for tomorrow, Friday and Sunday.
• It poured after I got home. 

I weighed in today. Monday's are the official weigh in day. I'm down five pounds since last Sunday!


Had a great day, this eating thing is becoming a new good habit. 

• 1/2 cup greek yogurt with strawberries and blueberries. Iced coffee with coffeemate
• Salad with lowfat goat cheese, sundried tomatoes and grilled chicken. Ate about 1/2 the restaurant size salad
• Another iced coffee with coffeemate
• Cucumber with 2 ounces of hummus
• Grilled chicken with stir fry veggies and two fajita size double-fiber tortillas (45 calories each) with greek yogurt and salsa
• Banana

I can still eat more than I could in the green zone and am hungry now, but just drinking lots of water. I ate my total number of weight watchers points today but didn't go over. Go me!!