Amazing How Similar We All Are!

I've been feeling ugh about where I am lately with the band. I'm still up and finding it hard to regain control. I'm good for a day, then eating way more than I should the next. I've read so many of your blogs and it seems many of us are in the same place. Many of you have mentioned that it's because we feel good about where we are now. I agree. I feel great, I look good, I'm getting attention that I haven't before. It's lovely. However, I've tipped over the edge and it's time to find my way back. I'm up about 8 pounds from my lowest, that bites. First, I do believe it was a bit of the cockiness of feeling good, feeling fine, feeling hot. However, this week just sucked. I'll back up a bit. 


For those of you have been reading my blog for more than a month, you'll remember a trip I took to Providence to visit with two college friends, R and SK. SK and I ended up getting a bit romantic that night. We've been friends for 19 years, so this was a big deal. He emailed the following week, and we ended up chatting about what it all meant. After a lengthy discussion, he admitted that he really wanted to see if there was more here, between us. So we decided that we'd have a "date" weekend. We slept on it, at my urging, and the next day felt strongly that we should move forward. We planned on me going to him in Vermont (gorgeous this time of year) this upcoming weekend. There were many flirty, sexy texts and emails started by him, returned by me (he was definitely in pursuit) and it felt great. He went away with his family for a week and things seemed a bit different when he came back. He was more distant etc. I chalked it up to him being a complete workaholic and due to the fact that he had been on vacation, things were crazy. At least this is what he was telling me. Fast forward to Tuesday of this week. I received an email from him, saying he had to cancel the weekend; he needed to help his sister. A fine reason, but there was no apology, no mention of disappointment and no attempt to reschedule. He did say he'd call me later to talk. I was angry, I emailed back "Have a nice weekend SK". That was Tuesday, it's Thursday night and no call.


The most disappointing thing about it is that we've been friends for 19 years, and he still doesn't have the courage to pick up the phone, tell me that he's changed his mind, or gotten scared, simply explain. And there is the tiniest piece of me that actually wonders if he doesn't sense that I was mad, and honestly thinks I meant "Have a great weekend". However, if he was truly interested, he would be itching to call me, not staying away. Don't worry everyone...I've read the book, I get it He's just not that into me. It's simply amazing to me that he was the one that pursued, I was not a crazy girl, we had a nice balance of calls/emails, and yet he lost interest.


I learned alot from a former boyfriend. A guy who is back in my life, but only in a friend capacity. He is an amazing guy, for a friend. He is a TERRIBLE boyfriend. He cannot commit and ultimately once the girl shows interest, he runs for the hills. He SLAYED my heart. I was madly in love with him. It's been four years and even the mention of his name sends my girlfriends into "OMG, if you even think about going back to him" speeches. I wouldn't, I won't. But I learned alot about myself in loving him. I learned that one must retain themselves in a relationship. Instead of throwing yourself into every one of his interests and forgoing your own. I turned into the girl that I hate with my ex. I learned. And yet, someone that I thought would be easy. Not easy in the sense of a relationship, but we have known eachother for so long, I thought we'd be able to skip the dating and just jump in. When in reality, we couldn't even get to the first real date. HE SUCKS...


So, what does this mean? Well, turns out I'm a huge liar. I am 100% an emotional eater. And I proved it this week. Seriously, could've won a F&CKING medal! We had an offsite for work, and the food was amazing. And you know those meetings, there is food everywhere and all of the time. I have to say, I'm so glad that I'm in this job. My colleagues are amazing. I almost feared for SK's life if he'd called me yesterday. I figure about five people would have taken the phone and given him a piece of their minds (and some of them would've done it in French!) ;-)


I'm good though. I'm ready to move forward. Honestly if SK can't man up enough to call me and explain what's going on for him, he is absolutely NOT the right guy for me. 


One last thing...the bikini wax. Well, it was for this weekend. The second he cancelled (the morning of my appt), I cancelled. That is one thing I can thank him for...if he'd cancelled Wed morning, I cannot imagine what I would be wishing upon him.


xoxo