Why can't I find a man?
No, seriously. I know that many of us are feeling the increase in how people are checking us out, etc. I've noticed it this week as I'm wearing dresses, getting comments from people on my legs etc. I know that many of you are struggling with the implications of this to your existing relationships. I am having the exact opposite problem. Men look (many of them married actually...eww), but they don't approach. In fact a perfectly average guy that I winked at on match.com declined me. His loss. However, just once I would like to be approached by a guy, flirted with, etc. It's been a while since that's happened and I'm struggling as to why it's not happening now. I'm skinnier, some even consider me average at a size 14. I'm a cutie, and I'm intelligent and witty. (If I do say so myself) Maybe I give off a bitch radar? Maybe I smell? Or maybe it's that I live in a city where the ratio of women to men is heavily not in my favor. Whatever it is, buck up boys. There is a new skinnier girl in town and she needs all of you to take it up a notch. ;-)
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I love you! Patience..your prince will come!
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I think its the city. I really do. I was a cute size 14, single in DC and could not meet a man to save my life. I was rejected as many times as I was flirted with. I did online dating too and had a number of declines from perfectly 'average' guys too. There is something about the men in big cities who think they can get whatever they want, whenever they want. There is no incentive for them to finally settle down or get a grip on what type of woman is 'right' for them because there is another one around the corner.
ReplyDeleteIts so hard. But what I can tell you is that I finally did meet my husband -- through an online dating service (now gone called Lavalife). Have you tried eHarmony? I've heard of people having much better experiences through that than through match.com. Match is just too big and easy to use so its easy for guys who have no intention of actually dating to just hop on and get a confidence boost when they see they have a 'wink' or whatever.
Sorry. I know its hard. i've been there. but it will happen. I just know it will.
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteIt def has to be NYC. You are super cute and super nice and not some crazy person.
I tell you my hubby and I have been together for over 7 years but we met because we are both huge soccer fans and used to watch the games from back home ( Glasgow ) in the bar every sat mornign at 7am due to the time difference. Before I met him I did date a lot of Irish guys because that is who I surrounded myself with. When I would go out with the girls or just be looking for a regular guy it was impossible if you know what I mean ( not that my hubby isnt regular ).
Good luck and hope prince charming is around the corner
I'm with the others ... and I've heard too that eHarmony is better than match so maybe give them a try? Hang in there - the right one will come along!!! And you're going to be that much more ready and gorgeous when they do!
ReplyDeleteIt's not you! It's them. For sure.
ReplyDeleteYou might smell.......j/k!! Hang in there, its hard to be patient, but you don't want a bunch of losers!! Give the online thing a chance.
ReplyDeleteI met my fella through a personal ad back when there was such a thing, but I think the best places to meet people are at church/mosque/synogauge or while volunteering for a cause that is meaningful. Also fun classes like dog training, fly fishing, co-ed volleyball, etc. You are lovely and I'm sure you'll find someone soon!
ReplyDeleteIts because men are stupid!! I am right there with you and you know what I think best thing to do is keep on being the best you and let the rest take its place.
ReplyDeleteWell my problem was always the bitch-dar! I might as well have wrote "I am a complete bitch" on my forehead. Luckily my husband wanted to know what was beyond that. You will find Mr. Right when the time is right. Be patient, for now and enjoy your changing body.
ReplyDeleteI agree with someone else who said "men are stupid." I think it's that simple. Don't worry - they always look before they approach.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on that one!
ReplyDeletePookie! You are so cute - and I am glad you know it! It really could be the city, I hear it is rough out there. I won't pretend to know what you are going through with this and the online dating. Just keep at and make sure you are flirting when ever the mood strikes! <3
ReplyDeleteI've been there! Match.com does sometimes have a hookup vibe. Though I did meet my hubby there. What about meetup.com? Some groups aren't dating related at all, but others are mixers and do have that slant. I do meetups for non-dating purposes and think they're fun! And no you don't smell and you have a very kind vibe. No bitch vibe going on at all!
ReplyDeleteWatch out NEW YORK, there's a new GIRL IN TOWN!
ReplyDeleteHang in there...I highly recommend online dating. I'm shy until I know you so going to bars was definitely not my thing and I'm definitely not approachable. It took me 43 years but I found my hubby through an online site...honestly I don't remember which one it was. I was 43, he was 36 and hot...we were both cyclists (obviously this was during a skinny period), hit it off and were married 2 years ago. Just keep putting yourself out there and he (or they) will find you.
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteYou are cute but I think you have to consider a few things: You stated that you are average, men don't want average. In NYC it is easy to blend in with all the other cute girls. Losing weight has been a great accomplishment and you should be proud. However, being overweight is not always a reason someone doesn't have a man. You have to stand out, flirt a little. If you see someone you are interested in, make eye contact. Men hate to think they might get rejected so they sometimes need a green light to move forward. Keep your head up and don't give up on love. Maybe you need to watch a few romantic movies this weekend. "While you were sleeping", "Serendipity" even some "Sex in the City".
Not being single, I haven't had to battle this. But I can tell you this.. what the HELL are these men thinking??? He's out there somewhere hon, and when you're least expect it, he's gonna charging up on his white horse. Oh ok.. that was crap - he's gonna come charging up in his Ferrari. Yeah.. that sounds about right!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I read this yesterday at work and have been dying to sit down and comment. Match.com is filled with trolls and head cases who are not even close to good enough for you so blow that guy off. I'm not saying to stop using the service, but take rejection from that particular group of men with a grain of salt. You are indeed all those wonderful things you said and more! I see you (in cyberspace) as loyal and trusting, and very kind. You are in no way near bitchy. I can just tell. I can't explain it, but this issue has a really strange way of resolving itself. One day you are thinking where are all the cute guys and the next you are looking at a two year old who is the spitting image of your Prince Charming. He's out there. I pinky promise.
ReplyDeleteI'm so late posting on this and since I haven't been single in a long time, I'm not an expert. I do have a lot of great single friends that struggle with this too. I have to agree that being in a city must play a part b/c DC is the same for my friends. My best friend did meet her fiance online(and she was over 30 and heavy at the time), so there is hope.
ReplyDeleteSo no advice, but guys are stupid if you're sitting home alone. Chin up - I always felt like I found a guy when i was fed up and swore off looking, so maybe you're there. :)
I did the NYC dating thing for many years...and it is super tough. I really don't like Match, because it takes very little of the guys to be up there - I am a much bigger fan of eHarmony because they have to invest some time and money to sign up. Also, I've heard really good stuff about the co-ed sports leagues...plus a nice way to get some extra exercise? And I know a bunch of my guy friends volunteer with NY Cares, partially because they are good guys and partially to meet nice women.
ReplyDelete